I woke up and scanned my timeline like I usually do. Well, this morning I came across a retweet from actress and reality star Tami Roman (Basketball Wives) saying that this particular article was a must read.
Once I clicked on the link and read the post for myself, I couldn't have agreed with Tami more...
The blog article was posted by Atlanta radio show host, Tommy Sotomayor . In the article he makes a sweeping statement that black women are always the baby mama’s to black men while white women get to walk on their arm as the queens. He writes that black women often place themselves in lesser positions with black men while more often white women get the upper hand in dating black men, especially when it relates to celebrities such as Lil Wayne and his current girlfriend (or wife?) Dhea.
After reading the whole disparagement of black women twice, thoroughly, I concluded that there was only one thing that I disagreed with from what Tommy said.
He basically generalized all black women throughout the article. He made a universal statement concerning black women and relationships versus a certain category of black women when it pertains to interracial affairs and dating inclusively. He shouldn’t have done that. Some of us aren’t oblivious of how to carry ourselves as the Proverbs 31 woman should.
However, overall I couldn’t agree with what Tommy said more.
I would not be surprised if most black women read his blog post and were very offended by it. The same way they undoubtedly get upset when people categorize them as “the angry black woman” like I have previously written about. The problem is, women are getting upset and slighted by stuff like this being written—because it holds a lot of truth.
Tommy stated in his article that all of Lil Wayne’s children were by a single black woman. The only woman that I feel can be excluded from this statement is his ex-wife Antonia
The issue that Tommy is trying to point out is that there are a growing number of black women who are making more of an effort to be the mother of a rich man’s child than to be the wife of a good man—white or black. We don’t see much of the same disparaging efforts being made by those of other ethnicities, i.e. white women. You heard about Lauren London being one of his baby mamas but there are very few news reports showing them in public together at a Laker’s game or in a committed relationship of any sort. Then you have Nivea who was married to The Dream but had an on-going nonmarital relationship with Lil Wayne resulting in children, but no ring. Then there's Dhea. She's been spotted with Wayne in public on numerous occasions witht the last being hugged up at the Laker's premiere game in Los Angeles this past Christmas.
See the problem yet?
Well, this issue is not just in celebrity circles. It happens in localities around us too. There have been plenty of black women who have chosen to bear children with a man they thought was going to marry them. Heck, I was one of those women. In high school, 16 and pregnant thinking that was the way to make love last forever. Did it work? Of course not.
But I learned my lesson and promised myself to never again bring a child into this world without having a husband to give them his last name. Unfortunately not every woman out there thinks like this. This is where Tommy’s article comes into play. Most of the women that are depicting this delusional mindset of it being ok to be a “strong, black, single mother” are the reason he took to the web to post such commentary.
On twitter, Tommy tweeted “I refuse to give big ups or praise to single parents who were single at conception…” I thought that was pretty rude, but deep. I understood. He’s right. If you knew when you were with that man that he wasn’t going to fully commit to being with you then why would you include yourself in the group of women that Tommy is referring to? On top of that, you continue to mess with the same man behind closed doors because you know it’s wrong, thus resulting in more children out of wedlock. Why?
I’ll tell you why. Like I always say…when a woman doesn’t really know what she wants she will NEVER truly know what she needs.
Most successful men aren’t going after these single mothers of one, two, three, or five because they don’t see the desire for progress in these women. Sure, they see them as being independent and strong, but do these women really have a choice to be anything else? I mean, they have to take care of these children somehow. I don’t see that as a positive character trait though. I don’t think Tommy was referring to those women who didn’t have a choice to be a single parent. He’s referring to those who knew they had a choice—and chose wrong.
This is not a race issue with me or a judgmental matter. There are plenty of single mothers out there. This is an issue of integrity. Everyone is going to make mistakes. I’ve made plenty as a growing woman. However, it’s not ok to make mistakes over and over again without learning from them and creating a new life. God gives us new mercies each day we open our eyes and get out bed. Take those new chances to make your life right. Don’t waste it on that man who you know will never see you walking down the aisle or bearing a child with his last name. Don’t let these celebrities fool you into thinking that it’s ok to be a baby mama as long as you’re getting paid. You may be getting financially suited, but your appeal as a good black woman is getting emotionally booted.
Treat yourselves like queens in order for someone else to treat you like a queen. It shouldn’t have to be portrayed this way that black women are at the bottom of the barrel because we don’t carry ourselves the correct way. There are a lot of us who do. It’s the ones who don’t that are making Tommy write articles like this.
Proverbs 31 states that we are “far above rubies” but this is only if we carry ourselves as such. Stop settling with being a baby mama and start striving to be a wife of noble character.